


the guy sure looks like fish food to me

by whoknowswhereweare



Category: Little Shop of Horrors (1986), SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon), The SpongeBob Musical - Various/Anthony & Coulton/Jarrow
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Based on a Tumblr Post, Crossover, carnivourous single-celled organism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-08 08:33:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12860781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoknowswhereweare/pseuds/whoknowswhereweare
Summary: Bobby has worked at Krabs's Fish Emporium since he was just a kid. Now he's 21 and living in the Emporium's basement with his unemployed best friend, a crush on one of his co-workers, in a friendly feud with the other, being a mentor/big brother to his boss's daughter, and cultivating his passion for marine life one thrifted biology book at a time. That is until one day, an unexpected and total eclipse of the sun causes a strange new organism to was up on the beach and send's Bobby's life swirling in a direction he never thought possible.[OR; the Little Shop Of Horrors AU that nobody ever asked for]





	1. bikini bottom day

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! Just thought I'd let you know I'm gonna use the characters fandom-dubbed "human" names for this fic, so Bobby, Edward, ETC. Also, I'm going off of the Chicago cast! (they have a special place in my heart). Based off of this post: http://politelyscribblingaway.tumblr.com/post/167379534611/on-the-topic-of-fancasting-little-shop-of-horrors

**_EXT. KRABS'S FISH EMPORIUM, EARLY MORNING._ ** _We see the outside of the run-down little shop, with people loitering on the stoop and the 'F' of 'Fish" flashes on and off, the bulb in need of replacement. It is raining. We enter the shop- a bit dingy, but it looks like someone worked really hard to make it look nice. Small clusters of fish swim around in large tanks, and the walls are lined with different kinds of fish food, tank decorations, etc. A loud crash comes from the door at the back. We head downstairs to see **BOBBY,** still in his pyjamas, on his hands and knees, surrounded by a mess of pink glass.  **BOBBY** is young and fresh-faced, short as age will allow but sturdily built, with a broad chest and shoulders, arms and legs shaped from hauling inventory by hand. His red curls, thick-rimmed glasses and gap-toothed grin give off the sense that this is not still a boy, not yet a man; a guy just coming out of childhood, and this fact is only confirmed by his brown puppy-dog eyes. He looks frazzled and slightly immature, but like he could be a real charmer if he put some work in.  **PATRICK** lounges on the bed, unbothered. Bobby's best friend of ten years,  **PATRICK** is a gentle giant who is content to spend his days playing the trombone in the basement, so long as he doesn't have to work. Light auburn hair, so light it's almost pink, falls over his face carelessly; a man who has not bothered with a haircut in many years. He's got a good foot and a half on his friend, but that doesn't stop him from looking up to him (metaphorically, of course). He cluelessly strums Bobby's ukulele, plucking out a bouncy little tune as Bobby grabs a hand broom and sweeps the glass into a dustpan._

"Shoot." Bobby huffs, standing to throw the glass shards into the dustbin. "My hands keep slipping."

"What are you even trying to do?" Patrick asks, sitting up more.

"I'm trying to make a new tank for this creature I found on the shore." Bobby sighs. 

"Why don't you throw it in with the rest of the fish?" Patrick suggests, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Because, I don't know if it's cannibalistic."

" _WHAT_?" Patrick exclaims, horrified.

"That's just what happens sometimes." Bobby stands and heads over to the shelf where he takes a circular fishbowl down and inspects it carefully. "I just don't know what this little guy is."

"Where'd you find it?"

"On the beach, last night." He shrugs, and sets the bowl on the bedside table. "I call it a Plankton, because that's what it reminds me of, but I know it's not that. It can't be."

A knock comes from the door, and suddenly Mr. Krabs is heaving down the steps, old sailor's coat tucked tightly around him. "Mornin', lads." He acknowledges, making for the safe. He carefully unlocks it, peers inside, sighs in delight, and then closes it again. "Bobby, I'll need ya upstairs in ten minutes ready to open. The other employees are already here!"  _ **MR KRABS** is a middle-aged Navy veteran with an appreciation for all things cheap. His build is that of a childhood baseball coach a few cheeseburgers and sodas later, and people tend to comment on his unnaturally large hands, which Patrick lovingly refers to as 'claws'. He's a father figure to his employees, but has gotten good at keeping them at arms length._

"Yes sir!" Bobby salutes as his boss exits. As soon as he hears the door slam, he rushes to pull out a pair of pants, a t-shirt, some suspenders, and a bow tie, keeping in compliance with the company dress code. "Darn, I'm late." He breathes.

"Hey, relax, buddy." Patrick re-assures him. "Nothin' a little extra overtime can't fix."

"I live here, Pat. My whole life is overtime."

"Fair enough. I'll be down here."

Bobby gives his best friend a high-five before hustling up the stairs. "There ye are, lad." Mr. Krabs says. "I thought I'd have to send someone down to get ye."

_Standing in the shop ate the two other employees, **EDWARD** and  **SANDY. EDWARD** is unnaturally tall and lithe, with black hair going grey at the roots and thin-wired glasses that hang onto his long nose for dear life. He's about Krabs's age, but without all the well-meaning wisdom and paternal affection. His face always sort of looks like he's tasted something extremely bitter, except when Mr. Krabs lets him choose the ambiance music- and it's always clarinet jazz. During their downtimes, he'll hide away in the back and play his clarinet along to the music, thinking nobody can hear the screeching.  **SANDY** is classic, all-American beautiful, with smooth dark skin and her natural curly hair styled into a bun at the back of her head. She's the kind of girl one would expect to find a picture of tucked away in some rich, famous guy's diary, all charm and innocence and a bit of kick-ass that kind of scares Bobby, but not as much as it intrigues him._

"Good morning, guys!" Bobby exclaims, hopping over the counter to get to the stock behind the counter. It's then that he notices a white cast around Sandy's right arm, her fingers looking a little bruised. "Jeez, Sandy, what happened?" His heart nearly stops. He wants her to be okay.

"Just got a little carried away doing some kara-tay is all." Sandy smiles blithely, her southern accent familiar and calming. "I'm alright."

"You'd better be." Edward says, with a look of disapproval that says 'if I have to stay even a minute longer than my allotted shift because of your silly recreation, I'll make you pay dearly'.

Krabs unlocks the door and flips the sign to say 'open'. The start of just another typical Bikini Bottom Day.


	2. when the going gets tough

_**INT. KRABS'S FISH EMPORIUM. FOUR HOURS LATER.** The employees are still standing, restlessly, in their positions- Edward at the till, Bobby behind him at the stock shelf, Sandy wandering between the tanks, and Mr. Krabs leaning up against one of the supporting posts, looking flustered._

"Not a single customer all day!" Krabs exclaims, as if the rest don't know. "We're losin' more money than we're makin'." he shakes his head mournfully. "Alright, that's it. All of yous, go home, ye hear? Go home and don't bother comin' back."

"What on earth do you mean?" Edward scoffs.

"I'm packin' up, boy-o. I'm gonna move on to greener pastures, somewhere where I can actually turn a profit." Mr. Krabs roars, slamming the 'closed' sign onto the door so hard it almost breaks.

_**SANDY** flinches visibly at the noise, and Bobby notices this, a concerned look drawing over his face. Seeing her in any kind of pain hurts his heart, and he wants to do anything he can to avoid seeing that scared look on her face again. He rubs his wrist on the same side that Sandy's cast is, and wishes he could take all the pain away for her, even if it meant having it for himself._

"But what about us?" Edward counters. "You're just gonna leave us out of a job? You said we were family!"

"You're all smart and talented hard workers, ye'd be hard-pressed to stay unemployed too long." Krabs says. "That is, if ye try."

"E-excuse me, captain," Bobby meekly interrupts, "But, have you ever thought that what the firm needs is to... Move in a new direction?"

"Whatever are ye speakin' of?" Krabs cocks an interested eyebrow.

"Well, I found this new and interesting fish on the beach last night, during the eclipse. Maybe, if we put it in the window, it will attract new customers!" He hurries around the counter and to the basement door. "Bring it up, Patrick!" He hollers.

_Moments later, Patrick bounds up the stairs, fishbowl in hand. It is clear that everyone knows him; as Edward rolls his eyes at his appearance, Mr. Krabs looks intrigued and welcomes Patrick up, and Sandy greets him with the same friendliness that she does Bobby._

"What in God's good name is  _that_?" Edward spits as they all crowd around the tank, which Bobby has placed in the window. On the pink rocks that cover the bottom, a green cylindrical thing, about the size of a thumb, slowly inches around in circles.

"I'm not sure. I've been pouring over all of my textbooks, and not a single one had an answer." Bobby shrugs. "I call it Plankton, because it looks like a magnified plankton."

Suddenly, the bell above the door rings, and in step two men. "Where did you find that new and interesting fish?" One asks.

"On the beach, after the eclipse." Bobby replies nervously.

"How bizare!" The other man exclaims, and they turn to leave. Before they reach the door, they turn around in unision. "Oh, while we're here, we may as well take ten dollars worth of fish food."

"Ten dollars!" Krabs exclaims, and Sandy shrieks a little in excitement. Bobby jumps back over the counter and starts shoveling food into bags like a madman.

The next few hours are a blur. Customers come and go, all wanting to know more about Plankton, and all eventually winding up buying something. They're all busy as can be, Bobby packaging food and delicate items that are brought up to the front, Edward ringing things up as fast as he can, Sandy scooping little fish into baggies for delighted children to take home, and Krabs practically doing a sailor's jig. Patrick even helps out a bit, pointing customers in the direction they're asking for. Krabs has kissed each of his employees at least five times each, and Bobby's pretty sure he even sees Edward crack a smile when he bends down to roll up one of the legs of his tacky green courderouys. 

When they're finally slow enough to kick out any remaining customers, it's long past the original closing time, but nobody is complaining. "What a day! What! A! Day!" Krabs cheers, rushing over to Plankton's tank. "This little guy is a super sea saviour! My children, I'm taking us all out for dinner tonight! On me!"

Everyone is surprised at Krabs's sudden generosity. "Sir, that sounds wonderful!" Sandy exclaims, then saddens. "But I can't go, I have a katate class I have to teach uptown."

"At ten at night?" Edward asks blankly.

"It keeps my lights on." Sandy shrugs. "Besides, I wouldn't do it if I didn't love it." She throws her purse over her shoulder and hugs all of her co-workers, save for Edward, who hates anyone touching him. She makes sure to hug Bobby extra tight so that he knows she's okay- she knows he worries, she knows he wants the best for her, and she appreciates that. Other than Krabs and Edward (and occasionally Patrick when he comes upstairs), who don't know her beyond their connection to the Emporium, Bobby's the closest thing to a friend that she's got, the only one who she thinks really cares about her. He holds on tight too, and its a warm moment in which Sandy feels like she could curl up in forever. "Goodnight, y'all." She smiles when she finally leaves, and Bobby's shoulders slump a little.

Suddenly, Plankton does a flip right out of the tank and lands on the ground, motionless. "Oh my God!" Bobby yells, and rushed over to put him back.

"What just happened?" Krabs asks, panicked about his new money-maker.

"I don't think he likes his tank very much." Bobby says sadly, gazing at the little green tube.

"Well, build him a new one! You know how to do that. Go! Go! I expect to see one happy fish tomorrow morning!" Krabs ushers him towards the basement door. As the door shuts, he can hear Patrick's muffled voice- "Are we still going out?"

"Gosh, Plankton." Bobby sighs, and sets the tank down on the table. He pulls a few pieces of glass, a tube of glass glue, and a tank base. "What's wrong with ya? You barely move, and even when you do, it's just tiny little wiggles. And then you go and pull this on me? What, are you tryin' to off yourself? I'm really trying to help you here buddy, but I just dont know what you are or what you need. How do I make you happy?" In his musings, one of the glass panes slips from his hand and shatters on the floor. "Look what I did, Plankton." He scoffs, upset, and moves down to begin cleaning up. As he once again sweeps the floor, a piece of glass embeds itself into the tip of his pointer finger.

"Ouch!" He cries, and sucks the blood off. "God, stupid glass! Stupid broom! Clumsy me." He concedes. He dumps the glass into the bin with the rest and when he turns around, he notices that Plankton is floating, almost expectantly, at the waters surface. "Plankton, you perked up! Oh thank you! I wonder what made you do that?" He shrugs and continues sucking his wound, until he hears a similar sucking noise coming from the tank. Above the water's surface a small mouth has opened up, making a sucking noise.

"I think I know what made you do that." Bobby says, slightly scared. He isn't thinking, he's surprised and distressed, so he does what he never would have- he hovers his fiver over the top of the tank and lets a few drops of blood fall right into Plankton's mouth. "I guess that'll do. Just as long as you don't make a habit out of it or anything."

Plankton begins to swim happily around his tiny fishbowl, to Bobby's delight, so he puts a band-aid on his finger and goes to bed.

_**END SCENE.** _


	3. i'm not a loser

_Lights up on the interior of the Emporium. Edward, Krabs, and Sandy are getting ready for the store to open. **PEARL** is also there. She is Mr. Krabs's daughter, though there is little family resemblance- Pearl is tall and thin, with a wave of curly hair piled atop her head. Her clothes and makeup are flashy, reflecting her youth. She's about seventeen, reading some teen magazine. Bobby comes up the stairs with a sizeably larger tank, holding a sizeably larger Plankton. He looks hopelessly tired, like he hasn't slept all night._

"Bobby! What happened to you?" Sandy asks gently rubbing a finger down the side of his pale face.

The young man smiles, suddenly shy. "I had to wake up every few minutes to feed Plankton."

"What were ye feedin' it?!" Krabs exclaims excitedly. "That thing is three times the size of yesterday!"

"It's a... secret formula," Bobby says.  _This isn't normal_ , he thinks to himself,  _this is really bad and definitely not normal._ But Mr. Krabs has an arm around his shoulder, Sandy is smiling that special smile at him, and Edward has yet to make a hurtful quip his way, so he doesn't complain. "Just something I whipped up."

"Well, whatever it is, keep feeding it! Lets open, there's already a line at the door!"

* * *

The second day is just as successful as the first, if not more. Bobby takes Plankton to the back room every so often to 'feed him', using a pin to prick his finger and let the blood flow. Plankton collapses back to the tank if he doesn't, and Mr. Krabs demands that Bobby 'brings that blasted thing back to the land of the living, before the costumers lose interest'. Edward snaps a few times that, because of Bobby, he's going to have to stay late again, and calls him some mean name under his breath. By the end of the day, Bobby feels completely wrung out; ten pounds lighter, and not in a good way. His hands are covered in band-aids, Edward is back in his sour mood, berating Bobby left and right, Mr. Krabs is in the back (counting his change, no doubt), and Sandy is sitting on the counter, swinging her legs back and forth, her happy demeanor replaced with tired eyes. Pearl has all but dissapeared. The biggest change of all, though, is Plankton- his feeding have grown him at an extremely accelerated rate, and now he's about the size of Bobby himself.

"Well, I'm gone." Edward scoffs, throwing his brown coat on and heading for the door. He stops and looks at Plankton. "I don't know what you could possibly be feeding that thing." He mutters. "Probably some cheap, no-good stuff." And he slams the door.

Bobby wrings his hands. Cheap? No-good? No, that's not him- he's the Emporium's most loyal employee, the most hardworking, friendly, responsible guy there is- or so Patrick says. Edward is just being needlessly mean, he tells himself, like always. 

"Don't listen to him, Bobby." Sandy says gently, wrapping him in a hug from behind. "He's just jealous that he can't be a sweet, kind, suddenly successful guy like you."

"Thanks, Sandy." Bobby says. "Another late-night karate lesson tonight?"

"No, actually, I'm going to watch Edward's jazz band play." She says. "He didn't invite me, but I'd figure he'd want a friend in the audience."

"That's awful nice of you, Sandy." Bobby says, and ducks behind the counter once more. 

Mr. Krabs emerges from the back and heads towards the stairs that lead to the apartment atop the shop, where he and Pearl live. "Great job today, laddy." He says to Bobby. "If you keep goin' like this, I may have to give ye a promotion!" He chuckles as he heads upstairs. "Hell, I'd even  _adopt_ ye!"

"You hear that?" Sandy says excitedly. "Looks like your hard work is paying off!"

"Yeah!" Bobby tries to put a hand on hers, but it lands on her cast, instead. "Hey, can I sign this?"

"Of course." Sandy smiles. Bobby grabs an orange sharpie from the counter and scribbles his name, a pineapple, and- screw it, all this good luck warrants a chance at this- a small heart with  _S + B_ written in the middle. Sandy looks at it, and her eyes crinkle when she grins, then looks up to meet his eyes. They're a few inches apart and moving ever closer, their eyes are closing a little, smiles fading to closed mouth smirks....

"I should get going." Sandy suddenly says.

"Oh. Yeah. Have a good time!" He says. She gives his hand a squeeze before hurrying out the door. He drops his head into his hands, muttering  _idiot boy idiot boy idiot boy_ as he heads into the back room. To his surprise, a teenage girl is sitting on the floor, sounding weepy.

"Pearl? Are you okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah Bobby, I'm all good." Pearl wipes under her nose.

"C'mon, Pearl, I've known you since you were a kid. What's up?" He sits on the floor next to her, hands in his lap.

Pearl smiles and angry smile and looks at the roof. "All my dad cares about is fucking money. Money this, money that. He doesn't care about me at all." The last sentence come out in a wretched sob.

Bobby quickly does what he likes done to him when he's crying- gives her the biggest, most comforting hug he can muster. "Hey, that's not true! Your dad... can get his priorities mixed up sometimes, that's for sure. But I know for a fact he loves you."

"Really?" Pearl sniffs. "How?"

"Come with me." Bobby helps her up and takes her back to Mr. Krabs's office- he's the old man's most trusted employee, so he's tho only other person who has access to it. He flips on a light, and Pearl sees pictures of her, ranging from when she was a baby all the way up to just a few months ago. There's the pearl necklace her grandmother gave her the day she was born, the one that inspired her name, hanging behind his desk. She'd always assumed he'd sold it to make a quick buck. There's a picture of them together on his desk in one of those kitschy frames that reads 'my greatest treasure' along the bottom.

"Wow." The girl says tearfully. "I had no idea."

"Krabs does care about money, that is true. But the only thing that he cares about more is you." Bobby assures her. Pearl gives him a quick hug and runs out of the room. He can hear her footfalls on the stairs, and he smiles to himself. He goes through the shop and locks up, turning off all of the lights except the one over Plankton's tank. The creature has gotten too large for him to carry downstairs, so he's taken up permanent residence in the largest tank they sell-made for sharks- in the middle of the store.

"Thanks a million, little pal." Bobby says, heading towards the door, when a massive thump comes from behind him. He turns to see Plankton out of his tank, on the wooden floor of the shop. "Oh come on, not again! I haven't got much left!" He waves his bandaged hands around in front of the blob.

"Feed me." A deep voice says.

"Pardon me?"

"FEED ME!" It's obvious that the voice is coming from Plankton when the mouth opens, revealing a row of sharp teeth.

"Plankton! You can speak?" Bobby exclaims.

"Hell yes, I can speak!" Plankton yells. "I need some food."

"Oh, I-I'll go get you some steak from the butchers, okay?" Bobby makes from the door, when suddenly one long tentacle emerges from Plankton and covers the door handle.

"Must be blood."

"Plankton, that's disgusting!"

"Must be fresh."

"Well what do you want me to do, slit my wrists?"

"Not necessarily." The fish mutters. "If'n you're willing to sacrifice someone else."

"Sacrifice? You mean KILL?" Bobby screams. "Absolutely not!"

  
"Oh, come on, kid! You think this is all a coincidence? The sudden pick up in business? Your possible promotion and adoption? That almost-kiss with that yummy little thing called Sandy? That's all me, pal! And if you want more, you know what you gotta do." The mouth shapes into a threatening grin.

"I don't know." Bobby says. If he really thinks, he guesses he can attribute all of his good luck to the animal, to the fluid that grew it, his own blood. "Nobody deserves to be chopped up and fed to a hungry sea creature."

"Are you sure about that?" One of the fish's tendrils points to the window, where Edward is storming down the street, Sandy following him.

"I cannot believe you showed up there! Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? I'm trying to prove to people that I'm cool, and suddenly my co-worker from a  _pet store_ appears? You've ruined everything! He screams, red in the face. His long arms are waving erratically, and he's walking fast enough that it looks like he has four legs.

Sandy rushes to keep up with him in her heels. "I'm sorry, Edward! I thought you'd appreciate the support, I was just trying to be a good friend!"

"Friend?!" Edward roars, turning to face her. "We are NOT friends. I would rather die than be friends with a dumb slut like you!" 

_Edward pushes her shoulder, probably a little harder than he means to, and she stumbles backwards, landing flat on her back. Edward looks momentarily remorseful before re-steeling himself and continuing to storm down the street. Sandy sits up and rubs her back, beginning to cry silently._

"Sandy!" Bobby exclaims, making for the door, but another tendril wraps around his waist, keeping him in place.

"Get angry, kid." The creature tells him. "Get angry at the stupid asshole."

Bobby listens. His hands ball into fists at his sides, and he turns and punches at the wall. It hurts like hell, but he doesn't even notice. "What the fuck!" He screams for the first time in his life. "How fucking dare he!"

"That's more like it." Plankton approves. "You sacrifice him to me. I get bigger and you get rewarded more, and he's out of your life forever and never hurts that young lady again. Do we have a deal?" He sticks out a tentacle like a hand.

Bobby shakes the appendage. "Deal."

"Go get it." A tentacle pokes him hard in the chest.

**_END SCENE._ **


	4. no control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm considering maybe putting smut in this fic but idk how far down the rabbit hole i wanna go LMAO (lets face it i'll probably do it anyways bc im garbage)(also i decided that i'm gonna give the 'humanized' characters their actor's last names, bc i think it's cute)

_Edward arrives to work the next morning, the first to get there save for Bobby, who is sitting on a stool behind the counter, elbows braced on his knees, Edward greets him cordially, but Bobby just stares right through him, looking like he's trying to control a great rage._

"Plankton needs to be fed." Bobby says, deadpanned. "Can you do it?"

Edward scoffs and rolls his eyes, but grabs the step-ladder anyways and holds out his hand for whatever the thing eats. Bobby doesn't even look behind him to see what he's grabbing, just drops a handful of fish pellets into Edward's hand. Edward walks over to the tank and props the step ladder up in front of it. He drops the food into the tank and then looks at the creature with a pitiful glance. 

"I saw what happened last night." Bobby's voice comes from right behind him. Edward whirls around to find the boy standing at the foot of the ladder, blocking him from stepping down. "With you and Sandy?"

An embarrassed look crosses the older man's face, and he rubs the back of his long neck gingerly. "It wasn't what it looked like."

"Really?" Bobby steps an inch closer, so his shins are right up against the bottom step. "Because it looked a lot like she was just trying to do something nice for you, and you  _pushed her to the ground and called her a slut._ That doesn't happen. Not on my watch."

Edward's coyness has vanished. "Look, I know you have a creepy little crush on her or whatever, but you don't need to accost me, okay? It was a momentary lapse in judgement."

Bobby just keeps going. "Not to mention all the time's you've yelled at me, called me mean names, and treated me like shit."

_Edward looks surprised- this is the first time he's heard clean-cut, nerdy little Bobby say a curse word. He starts to say something when the ginger gives him a hard shove, sending him toppling back into the tank. Plankton wastes no time in starting his feast, water thrashing around as the musician tries to fight back, but to no avail- soon, all that's left of him are his skinny glasses, and his beighe sweater covered in blood. Bobby picks them out of the water and puts the glasses in his pants pocket, tossing the sweater into the trash for lack of better solution. Looking at Plankton. His face holds conflicting emotions- victory and remorse. Relief and disgust. It's a bittersweet moment of revenge for our hero. Plankton raises his read to grin devilishly in thanks before receding back to the water._

* * *

Sandy wakes up at three-thirty every morning, brushes her teeth, grabs her bag, and heads out, catches the train to the diner where she works early-morning shifts. It's her least favourite job, easily- construction workers and ER nurses and people who get on and off work early in the morning flood the place, and she's so overwhelmed she can't process the orders correctly half the time, which usually leaves her manager frustrated at her. She's punished by being forced to scrub tables and wash dishes, the smell of ketchup and coffee making her want to gag. She often cries and seven-forty-five, when she gets off, then spends almost half an hour putting on her usual black dress and heels and doing her hair and makeup before heading back downtown to the Emporium, where she works business hours. The Emporium is her favourite job- her and Bobby (and sometimes Patrick, if he's there) crack wise, she teaches them some karate moves, sometimes they'll sing along to whatever is on the radio. She gets along well with Mr. Krabs, and enjoys the occasional company of Pearl, who keeps her up to date on the happening of high school drama. She and Edward tolerate each other, sometimes even making small talk. But then five o'clock comes, and on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, she heads back uptown to teach a self-defense karate class to the women of Bikini Bottom.

She had moved here almost a year ago because the town had one of the highest minimum wage rates in the country, and she desperately needed to save up for engineering school. So she picked up three jobs, used just enough of what she made monthly to live off of the bare minimum she needed to survive, and put the rest in a savings account she told herself she wasn't allowed to touch. She was so close- Just a few thousand more and she'd be able to move home to Texas and pay her way through university comfortably. When the world around her go too rough, that was her escape- dreaming about the day she could pack all of her things from her dingy little apartment into her car and just drive south, away from Bikini Bottom forever. More often than not, in her fantasies, Bobby was there, Holding her hand across the dash as they drove the highway. They would eat dinner at all the tacky little tourist rest stops, take pictures of landmarks on the way, and when either one got too tired to drive they could pull off of the road and climb into the back seat to snuggle up under a blanket, kissing, hands moving, and then...

Sometimes, her fantasies remained a little more PG, because Patrick and Pearl were there, and they were shouting along to the music blasting from the car radio. Yeah, Sandy would think, they'd all four go, get a cute little ranch back in Texas tucked away somewhere nice and open and green. Sandy would go to what Patrick called 'science school' Bobby could get a job at the local grease joint, Pearl could go to the high school in town, and Patrick could stay home and look after the farm animals. At night, they'd all come home and have dinner (courtesy of their in-home chef), then maybe watch a movie, play some board games, and head off to bed. Maybe she and Bobby would share a room. Maybe they'd share a  _bed._ Maybe he'd fall in love with her. Maybe they'd get married and have the three wonderful children she'd been dreaming of- a girl, tall, dark, and strong like her, and two little redheaded scrapping boys with sparkling brown eyes. Every so often, their Uncle Patrick and Aunt Pearl could babysit while she and Bobby went out on date night, dinner and a little dancing before coming home for some closed-doors fun. The mere thought makes her blush.

That was the life she dreams of; simple, sweet, family-centric, and nothing but happiness for her and her friends.

* * *

**_INT. Emporium, mid-afternoon._ **

Bobby is madly on edge, hands shaking, looking pale, avoiding any and all eye contact as he re-stocks the shelves. Sandy watches him out of one worried eye but doesn't say anything. She isn't in control of her own mouth lately.

Mr. Krabs is fuming, macing around the store. "Where on Earth is Mr. Edward?" He exclaims. "He hasn't shown up in days!"

"I don't know, sir." Bobby says, monotone. 

"When he shows up, he'll get a tongue lashin', he will!" Krabs screams, one fist raised in the air dramatically.

The bell over the entrance chimes, and all turn to see three police officers enter the store, serious expressions on their faces. "We need to know which one of you last saw your co-worker, Edward Bumpass."

Before Bobby can even process what's happening, Sandy steps forward. "That's me." Her voice shakes a little. I saw him Tuesday night."

"Ma'am, if you'd please step outside and answer a few questions for us." One officer says, and Sandy nods, following them out the door. Bobby watches as she's interrogated, question after question, until she begins to sob hysterically. The officers back off and each shake her hand before walking away, conversing. Sandy runs down the alley beside the shop, towards the wasteland where the foundation of a demolished building stands, and Bobby races after her, ignoring Mr. Krabs's screamaing.

 

 


	5. i guess i

"Sandy, wait!" Bobby calls after her, chasing her behind the store. "What did the police say?"

"There's been no sign of Edward in almost three days." She sobs, leaning against a telephone pole. "The police suspect foul play."

"Oh, please don't cry, Sandy, please don't cry!" Bobby pleads- his heart is shattering, and he reaches out to hug her, but looses his nerve. Luckily, she falls into his arms, crying into his shoulder.

"It's my fault!" She wheezes. "I made him angry, and then he hurt me, and I... I wished it."

"What do you mean, you wished it?"

"I was mad at him because he pushed me, and the really dark part of me wished he would just dissapear. I was so sick of him treating you badly, and then hurting me... It's my fault!"

"God, no, Sandy! It's not your fault! You have to believe that."

"Edward was right. I'm just a dumb slut." She sniffs. Bobby breaks.

"No." He says. He grabs her by the biceps and pulls her away so he can look her in her overfull eyes. "You are  _not._ Edward was an insecure, pompous little man who got a rush out of hurting people. You are neither of those things, or any other bad thing he's ever said against you. I know, because I see the girl that's inside you- the brilliant, compassionate, kind, amazing girl I always respected. And still do."

"I don't believe you." Sandy laughs wetly, shaking her head. "You put up with the worst of everyone's crap, especially mine, and you still lift everyone up. How are you so incredible, Bobby? I don't know how you can handle it all. You're sweeter than a slice of pineapple upside-down cake."

"It's easy, with you." Bobby shrugs, smiling a little. "All I ever want to do is make you happy, Sandy. That's all I would wanna do for the rest of my life."

"Bobby." She says softly, tucking a curl behind his ear and tracing her finger down his jawline. "You're really something."

 _"You're_ really something." He counters, and then one hand goes to the small of her back, the other behind her neck, and she's pressed flush against him, her lips softer than he ever imagined, her eyelashes fluttering on his cheeks, her warm hands on either said of his face. It's the calmest, toasy-warmest kind of heaven there is- everything inside of him is jumping, electrified, but somehow he ignores the hooting and hollering goblins in his head enough to make it slow, make it last as long as he possibly can.

Sandy's heart is pounding, her legs feel weak, it feels like an anxiety attack but in a good way, the bast possible kind of panic. Bobby is kissing her painfully slowly, with all the tenderness and care she's always wanted, and she laughs a little into his mouth, a sentiment he returns when she feels him smile.

"WOO HOOOO!" A voice comes from the back door of the store, and Patrick is standing there, arms raised above his head. "Fi-na-lyyyy!"

Sandy giggles and leans down to bury her face in Bobby's shoulder, and Bobby laughs out loud as Patrick complete a little twirl, landing in a starfish pose. "I never thought it would happen! Thank you god!" Patrick screams. Sandy raises her head to smile at Bobby again, and he kisses her again, if for no other reason than because he can do that now.

* * *

Bobby kisses Sandy goodbye on the stoop at the end of the day, and watches her walk all the way to the end of the street before going back inside and locking up. Plankton's head is on the floor again, and that can only mean one thing.

"No. Not again." Bobby shakes his head. "I killed once for you. That' where I draw the line."

"Don't do me any favours. Y'know, like I've been doing you, loverboy." Plankton scoffs. "I gave it all, don't think I can't make it go away."

Bobby rolls his eyes and makes for the door. He hears his name called and turns to find Mr. Krabs standing at the foot of the back stairs, a terrified look in his eyes, and a plastic bag in one of his hands. "What have yo done, boy?" Krabs asks lowly.

"What do you mean?" Bobby asks, but feels the blood drain from his limbs, the fight-or-flight response kicking in.

"You and Mr. Edward always were at odds." Krabs shakes his head, and pulls something out of the bag. It's Edward's blood stained sweater. "But I'd never thought you'd go this far."

"T-that's not mine!" Bobby tries to say, but Krabs pulls out Edward's glasses from his back pocket.

"I found these on your bedside table, boy." He says accusingly.

Bobby doesn't know what to say- hes caught. Plankton was right- he is able to give and take at will.

"I have two options for you, boy-o." Krabs sets the things on the counter. "You can come with me to the police station, turn yourself in, and serve your dime like you oughta."

"Or?"

"Or..." Krabs says menacingly. "You by a one-way ticket out of town, and I keep your little pet," he points to Plankton, "and it's profits."

It's a no-brainer. "Okay, I'll get out of town." Bobby agrees. "Let me just grab my wallet." He makes for the register, where he keeps his wallet hidden, and when he turns around, Plankton's mouth is open wide behind the old sailor. Bobby swallows hard.  _Here we go again._

"I just... Gotta tell you how to take care of Plankton." He says, beginning to walk Krabs backwards.

"Yes! Pray tell, lad, what do you feed that thing."

"Well..."

"Yes?"

"Well..."

"Yes?!"

"I'm sorry!" Bobby cries, and pushes his boss right into Plankton's gaping maw. the sound of Krabs screaming, of bones breaking and cartilage crunching is horrific, but it's over soon enough. Bobby walks over and retches into a garbage can.

"I can't do this anymore." He says weakly, tears spilling from his eyes.

"Looks like you got no choice, bub." Plankton burps, slithering back into the water.

**_END SCENE._ **

 


	6. tomorrow is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to put smut in because i'm an actual, living breathing human dumpster fire (also i wrote it while listening to slow hands because that song is FIRE)

_**INT. EMPORIUM, EARLY MORNING. PEARL** paces the floor, looking extremely nervous- wringing her hands, her eyebrows drawn together, almost on the verge of tears. Every time someone passes by the window, Pearl looks up, as if she's expecting someone, but when they don't enter the shop or appear to be who she is looking for, she returns to her dismal state.  **PATRICK** bounds up the stairs, gives Plankton's head a little pat, then notices Pearl._

"Hey Pearl," he greets, "how are you?"

"Have you seen my dad?" Pearl asks quickly, ignoring the question at hand.

"Uh, not since yesterday. Is everything alright?" Patrick takes a step closer to her.

"I have no idea where my dad is! He never came upstairs last night, and I've been searching everywhere- I even called my grandma. But it's like he's just dissipated." Pearl begins to wail.

_Patrick quickly grabs Pearl into an embrace. It's clear that they don't know each other very well, but Patrick, like his best friend, is a creature of comfort. Because of her maturity, it's easy to forget that Pearl is barely seventeen, still a child, and seeing her break down makes Patrick very sad._

_Sandy enters. She notices the chaos, but it's apparent she's still floating on cloud nine from the night before._

"What's wrong?" She asks.

"We have no idea where Mr. Krabs is." Patrick says quietly, as if Pearl, who is heaving great sobs into the burly man's pink t-shirt, doesn't yet know.

Sandy looks dumbfounded. "Oh, god, what? Seriously?" But before she can get a response, the phone rings. She picks it up, and her friends only hear her side of the conversation. "Krabs's Fish Emporium, Sandy speaking... Oh, uh, not at the moment, may I take a message?... Oh wow, alright, yeah... tomorrow, one PM? Sounds good, I'll let him know... Alright, thank you very much. Bye bye now." She hangs up the phone. "Where's Bobby?"

"Downstairs." Patrick nods with his head to the basement door. Sandy gives him a grateful glance, offers Pearl a supportive rub on the pack before heading downstairs. "Hey," Patrick says to Pearl, whos crying has calmed a bit. "I have to go get some light bulbs, the ones downstairs are burnt out. Whaddaya say you come with me, we can grab some lunch, maybe go to the mall? It might give you a distraction 'till we know where you dad's at."

Pearl looks slightly apprehensive, but nods and smiles gratefully anyways.

* * *

_Sandy descends the stairs to the boy's room. She's been down here maybe twice, but not recently- she notices how they've arranged it; how Patrick's bed sticks out long-ways from the wall, covered in a pink-and-green knit blanket, and Bobby's is pressed against the opposite wall, creating a sort of disjointed T. Beside the door is a bookshelf overflowing with Bobby's bio textbooks. there are a few strings of white lights that are wrapped around the room where the walls and ceiling meet, creating a soft glow in the otherwise dark room. Bobby sits at the foot of his bed, still in the clothes from the day before, head in his hands, his yellow comforter wrinkled and wrapped about sixty different ways, looking like a herd of elephants riverdanced on it. probably the result of Bobby trying and failing to get to sleep._

"Hey," Sandy sits beside him on the bed, putting an arm around his waist. He instantly leans into her. "What's up?"

"Everything is so fucked up, Sandy." Bobby sniffs. "Edward is gone. Mr. Krabs is gone. Half of me is gone. It's only so long before the rest of us follow."

"Bobby, you're scaring me." She admits, swallowing hard.

Bobby looks up instantly, concerned. "No, don't be scared, Sandy, I'm sorry. It's just all so complicated right now."

"Well, I don't know it what I'm about to tell you will make it worse or not." Sandy says. "I just got off the phone with Life Magazine. They're coming down tomorrow to do a story on the Emporium- on you, Bobby, you and Plankton. And they're bringing you a great big cheque, just for being on the cover."

Bobby's face suddenly goes blank, then the wheels in his head start turning; an idea forms. "A big cheque, huh?" He stands and begins pacing rapidly.

"Yeah, one hundred thousand dollars." Sandy informs him. "You're a real big star, darlin'."

"A hundred thousand dollars." He says quietly. "Then we could afford to get outta here, couldn't we?"

"We could?" Sandy asks, her hopes getting the best of her.

"Yeah, yeah. We could just pack up and hit the open road, Patrick, Pearl, me and you- if you'll have me." He stops pacing and turns to face her, his expression earnest as it's ever been. "Will you have me, Sandy?"

"What do you mean?" She asks. Her heart stops beating and her body ceases any respiratory function when Bobby drops to his knees in front of her, putting his hands in her lap.

"Marry me, Sandy." He offers. "Will you- will you please, marry me? I just... I don't know what I'm gonna do if you don't."

"Oh my god," Sandy gasps, taking his hands. "You have no idea how long I've dreamed of this."

"Well, will ya?"

"Yes! Yes! Of course!" She cries, and they stand together to be joined in a kiss, just as slow and gentle as the first. Sandy tires to lift one of her feet, like in those cheesy romance movies she consumed as a teenager, but they're too close to the bed and the action sends them toppling over onto the mattress, him on top of her, and they giggle and blush and it's all very cute until she looks at him a certain way, big brown eyes crinkling and full lips in a calm but somehow very promising smile, and she travels her hand down the side of his face again, and he just can't help himself because in one fell swoop all of his dreams have come true, everything he's yearned for for the past several years is right there in front of him and it's his for the taking. He kisses her again, more serious this time, with intention, and she catches on immediately. With one hand in his hair and the other pressed up against his chest, she hitches her right leg up onto his hip, and he grasps it firmly, rubbing it up and down, just shy of breaching her skirt. Sandy is almost amazed- Bobby's very cute and has always been a charmer, and she can imagine he's had his pick of the girls, but she never guessed he'd be this good right out of the gates.

In reality, Bobby has no idea what he's doing; he's just following his instincts, doing what feels right and natural. He feels her mouth open, just a little, and they're both stock still for a moment as Bobby realizes he's supposed to do  _something._ Thankfully, Sandy saves him the trouble, kissing him in a way he's never been kissed, closing her mouth over his and letting their tongues slide against each other for just a second. Bobby knows he  _should_ be grossed out, it's in his clean-freak nature to be opposed to other people's spit in his mouth, but it feels absolutely divine and he encourages her with a small satisfied moan to let him do it again, and again and again until they're both panting, grasping at each other like all gravity has just dissipated and they're the only thing still locked to the earth. They pull away for just a moment, eyes meeting eyes in a second of mutual understanding, and Sandy asks "do you want me?" in a voice far too innocent for what she's really asking.

"Always and forever." Bobby confirms. Thankfully, Sandy returns to her ministrations, rolling them over so that she can straddle him. She kisses a particular spot just under his ear that earns a louder-than-intended "ohhhh", and she continues to drop hot, open-mouthed kisses down his neck, unclips his suspenders and loosens his tie, and begins undoing his shirt, one button at a time, replacing each junction where the shirt comes together with a little peck until each side of the button-up is hanging limply on the bed between his arms and body. Sandy takes a moment to look up from Bobby's belt, admiring the pale, freckled boy before her, a goofy smile plastered on his face. There's a line of ginger hair beginning below his belly button that dissapears into his pants, and Sandy is determined to find out where it goes (even though she's pretty sure what she'll find). She deftly undoes his belt, expertly pulls his plaid pants off, and can't help but giggle when she sees pineapple-pattered boxer briefs underneath.

"These are so cute." She compliments, her fingers playing along the waistband.

Bobby props himself up on his elbows and laughs too. "Thanks!"

"Can we take them off?" She suggests with an eyebrow raised.

Bobby nods enthusiastically, and almost gasps out loud when he feels her cool fingers dip below the waistband and pull the shorts down to his knees. He's definitely hard, but he's worried- how does he match up to other guys she's seen? Will he be enough to impress her? He doesn't have to worry for long, however, as he watches Sandy's curly head dip down, and suddenly he feels an incredible warmth, like nothing he's ever experienced before, and he throws his head back and another involuntary broken moan comes out. He drops to his back as Sandy moves her mouth up and down over him, doing things he's only fantasized about. The excitement is almost more than he can bear, and he's clenching his fists and curling his toes as arousal drips into his stomach, trying to keep from ending it all too soon. He knows himself, though, played out this fantasy with his own hands often enough to know where his breaking point is, and when heat turns to cold in his groin he places his hands on her head, lifting her away. She smiles shyly and wipes away at the bit of drool that fell from her lip.

Bobby sits up and hurries to discard of his unbuttoned shirt and loose tie, and awkwardly shuffles his boxers off. Sandy is sitting back on her heels, hands placed delicately in her lap as she watches him with curiosity, innocent interest and amusement. He grasps her tenderly by the waist and pulls her down on top of him, then tries to copy what she did to him, rolling them over so he's once again the one on top. Sandy's black dress has a shiny silver zipper down the middle, and Bobby places his finger on the zip, his eyes asking the question, the all important question, the only one either of them care about-  _is this okay?_ Sandy nods and places her fingers over his, and together they unzip her dress, the sides falling open to reveal a plaid bra and a pair of grey panties, decaled with white lace around the edges. Bobby gulps hard, trying to recall what he did that left his lover so satisfied in his dreams. He slips one hand up her side gently, causing goosebumps to rise on her skin, and softly brushes his knuckles over the cup of her bra. She hums a little, and shuffles to get her arms behind her back to undo it, throwing it across the room. Bobby closes his eyes, counts to five, and reminds himself that he's awake, that it's finally happening, that she wants him as much as he wants her and they're going to get each other. Forever and always. 

He repeats her actions, planting little kisses down her front, between her breasts, down towards her underwear. She's already fidgeting in anticipation, and Bobby briefly recounts the movie he and Patrick watched when they were both young and dumb and just discovering what their dicks were. He hooks his teeth into the lace at the top and shuffles down, earning a surprised "oh!" from Sandy. He reaches her feet, tosses the article aside and winks at her, which makes both of them laugh. Bobby feels like he's supposed to be nervous, he's built up his first time in his head and has only build Sandy higher. But instead he feels calm and comfortable, like it doesn't matter if he's never done this before. It's in his human nature, generations of well-pleased men and women that came before him (no pun intended) telling him that his tongue is good for more than just upselling.

He lays more kisses up the inside of her leg, because he wants to kiss every last inch of her. He takes his time; he knows she's getting impatient but the slower the going, the greater the victory. He buries his face where her thigh and pelvis meet, giving a little lick there, just to test the waters. When he hears a contented "yeah" come from above him, he realizes he's in the clear. He moves his head a few inches to the left and places his mouth over her. "Oh god." He hears, and smiles to himself like the cat the got the cream. He doesn't even realize what he's doing, just makes movements with his tongue that glean a positive reaction. Her hands curl into his hair and it's delightful. She whimpers and moans and that spurs him forward, until she nearly screams, her back lifting off the bed, and she gives his head a little push. He sits back up and gazes upon her, she looks so beautiful, and he can't believe she's his. He falls over her, catching himself in a mini-plank before he can crash into her, making them both laugh.

"I wanna kiss you, but I don't wanna gross you out." He admits with a chuckle. Sandy smiles and pulls his head forward for a kiss.

"Do you have a condom or something?" She asks breathlessly.  _No, I certainly do not,_ Bobby thinks to himself, then remembers that Patrick keeps his in his bedside table. He hops up and dashes across the room, returning to his position with the silver foil between his fingers. Sandy takes it from him, unwraps it, finds out which way it goes, then bites her lip as she slides it onto him, her hand as good as her mouth. She raises her hips a bit and guides him where she wants him. He presses in just a little bit, and Sandy closes her eyes and places her hands on his chest sighing out a little breath. Bobby pushes in a little more and she makes a small moan. Finally, he pushes all the way in, and Sandy yelps, placing her mouth over his shoulder to muffle the sound. Bobby braces himself on his elbows, both hands holding her head, and when he makes the first slow thrust he feels like he's gone directly to heaven. He does it a few more times, keeping his pace to a minimum, and Sandy locks her legs around his waist, rocking her hips with his. They're both breathing heavy as they find a rhythm, unhurried and gentle and with all the love in the world.

"God." He groans into her hair. "You're everything, you know."

"Oh, Bobby." She moans. "I love you."

They momentarily stop moving so they can kiss- it's hard to do two immensely pleasurable things at once- before resuming. It's perfect, every last second of it, even the sting of her manicured nails scoring his back feels so good. He moves one of his hands down to lift her hip a bit; he can feel himself getting close, and realizes that she's at about the same spot as him. With a few more deep thrusts, she comes quietly, gasping into his neck, and he fucks her through it until he goes, too, letting out an embarrassingly loud 'uuh' as he does. 

He rolls off of her after a few moments, takes the condom off, ties it, throws it in the garbage. Sandy's eyes are hidden in the crook of her elbow and she's breathing awful heavy, but she's smiling. Bobby smiles too. He tugs the blanket up over them, pulls Sandy to his chest, feels comforted when she doodles little hearts on his collarbone. He strokes her hair, desperate to make her feel as happy and safe and warm as she's made him.  _Tomorrow._ He thinks.  _Tomorrow, I'll take her away from this place forever._


	7. super sea star savior

**_PATRICK_ ** _and **PEARL** are sitting across from each other at a restaurant. Patrick is chowing down on fries, while Pearl flicks at her salad. She looks disheartened, and Patrick notices._

"Hey, don't worry, kid. I'm sure your dad is fine." He assures her.

"It's not even about that." Pearl shakes her head. Patrick doesn't say anything, so she continues. "My dad and I- we've never had the best relationship. He was always too focused on work to pay any attention to me, and I think I grew to resent him. I was so mad at him for so long, and then Bobby showed me something the other day that made me feel a bit better, but... His behavior never changed. It was always all about him, all about the money, and I... I feel sick saying this, but I don't know if I want him to come back. Not if I'm just gonna feel like a burden to him for the rest of my life." She sniffles, about to cry again.

"Hey, whoa," Patrick grabs her hand across the table, "It's fine. Whatever you feel right now is okay, okay? I had a crappy situation with my parents too, and when they both passed; my dad first, then my mom; part of me was relieved that it was finally over with. So I understand where you're coming from, Pearl, and I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that whatever you're feeling right now is okay. And if we find your dad, and you decide you don't wanna be around him anymore, we can figure it all out. I promise."

Pearl smiles through an involuntary stream of tears. "Thanks, Pat." She squeezes his hand. "You know, I think of you and Bobby as the big brothers I never had. Sandy, too. She's like my big sister."

"Well that's just fine with me." Patrick confesses. The waiter comes by then, asking if they'd like anything else. "Nah, I think we're good." Patrick tells him. "Right, sis?" He winks at Pearl, who nods in agreement. 

"Sure thing, big bro."

* * *

One thing Sandy failed to notice upon entering the basement was the small kitchenette, hidden behind a brick stub wall. She sits on the counter in a pair of sweats Bobby wears to bed and his famous yellow button-up, feeling especially cared for as they make jokes, laugh rapturously as he cooks them lunch- burgers for two.

They're finishing a story when Bobby raises an eyebrow at her. "Do you wanna go home? Pack your things for tomorrow?"

"I probably should." Sandy says. "I'n definitely not gonna take everything, just what's important to me. I'll leave a letter on the door for the landlord. Can I spend the night here?"

"Of course." He gives her nose a cheesy little 'boop'. "Why don't you run across the street and pack what you want. I'll throw two more patties on the grill. You should probably be getting back around the same time as Pearl and Patrick, we can fill them in on our plan, eat, go to bed, then tomorrow we'll do the photo shoot, get the money, and book it outta here."

"Finally." Sandy says to herself. She jumps off the counter, gives Bobby a little pack, grabs her shoes and runs upstairs. She doesn't care how crazy she looks to people passing by- sweatpants, an oversized neon yellow shirt, black high heels, her makeup a little smudged and obvious sex hair. She practically skips to her studio and begins rooting through her closets and drawers, taking anything that means something to her- her black belt, her cowboy hat, a few of her favourite outfits, her makeup, a picture of her, Bobby, and Patrick at the deli from when she first met them. Everything important to her is in one big blue suitcase. She scribbles a note to her landlord- something along the lines of  _had to skip town, family business, keep the safety deposit-_ and tapes it to her door. She realizes she wants a shower before she leaves, the one thing she ever appreciated about the place was the immense water pressure. So she strips down, gets in the steaming hot shower, looking lovingly down at all the marks Bobby left on her- a little hickey on the inside of her thigh, a barely-visible bite mark on her shoulder, a bit of a bruise on her hip where she had accidentally pushed up into his hand too hard. She touches them with reverence, the giddy excitement of a planned-yet-impromptu runaway almost more than she can handle.

* * *

_Patrick and Pearl arrive back at the Emporium, both holding a few shopping bags each. They set the bags on the counter, laughing about something or other, when Bobby comes up the stairs in casual jeans and a brown sweater, looking slightly disheveled. He quickly locks the door and turns the sign to 'closed'._

"Boy, that thing's been open the whole time?" He says.

"Where have  _you_ been?" Patrick asks pointedly.

Bobby strides up to Pearl and takes both of her hands. "Honey, I'm so sorry. Your dad... Got in an accident."

"Oh god." Pearl gasps. "Is he okay?"

Bobby shakes his head solemnly. "'Fraid not. He didn't make it."

Pearl swallows hard and falls back against the counter, hand flying to her forehead. "Oh, god." She covers her face. "Oh Jesus. What do I do? What do I do?"

"I'm so sorry sweetie," Bobby rubs her shoulder comfortingly. "But we've got a plan to help you. Tomorrow, Life Magazine is coming to take some pictures of Plankton and I. They're gonna give us a cheque, and then tomorrow evening, you, me, Pat and Sandy are all gonna get in Sandy's car and head South. To Texas."

"What?!" Patrick exclaims.

"Yeah." Bobby says. "We're all gonna get out of here." He puts his other hand on Patrick's shoulder, drawing both of his friends close. "We're gonna go somewhere, and be happy and safe. I promise."

"I don't understand." Patrick shakes his head.

"You just gotta trust me, pal." Bobby says pleadingly. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do." Patrick says. "BFF."

"BFF." Bobby repeats, and they complete a little fist bump. "Alright. Go pack up. Sandy should be here any minute. Dinner is downstairs, I figured we'd all sleep there tonight. Pearl? Are you okay?"

Pearl lifts her face from her hands. She's crying, but smiling a little too. "Yeah." She nods.

* * *

_Sandy ignores the 'closed' sign and enters through the side door. She hears laughter coming from downstairs, and knows that the people she loves are down there, that their plan has been set in action. She makes for the door, but a slimy tentacle blocks her way, She follows it to see Plankton, now bigger than ever, and gasps in horror._

"Hey little lady." Plankton croons.

"Y-you can  _speak?!"_ Sandy shrieks.

"Sure can. And I got a mouth, which means I'm awful hungry." The animal groans. "Your mean ol' boyfriend hasn't fed me since yesterday."

Sandy eyes the food cabinet. "Well, what does he usually feed you?"

"A little of this," One of Plankton's tendrils wraps around one shaker of food, "some of this, too," another grabs a bag of fish pellets, "and a little some of this." He growls, wrapping his remaining two tentacles around her, pulling her to the tank. She lets out a piercing shriek as she's dragged into the water. He bites down on her arm, but luckily her cast blocks the way. Suddenly she's being fought over, her legs being tugged on by the tentacles and her arms being pulled my hands. Thankfully, the hands win, and she lands hard on the floor. Bobby's got her in his arms, and she's shrieking and sobbing, having almost lost her life before it just begun.

"What the fuck?!" Pearl screams, but Bobby just pulls himself to his feet, pulling Sandy up with him. "Run!" He exclaims, and that they do, chasing each other out the door, around the back, where the demolished building is.

"Do you wanna explain what the hell just happened in there?" Patrick yells.

"I let it go too far." Bobby counters. "I did what it told me... It promised me it would give me whatever I wanted if I followed its instructions."

"Like what?" Pearl asks.

"Like success." Bobby shrugs sadly. "Like happiness for me and my friends." He points to Patrick and Pearl. "Like you." He gestures sadly to Sandy.

"Buddy." Patrick says. "Don't you see? You had all those things all along. On your own merit."

"Yeah. Like when I was upset about my dad, you were the one who cheered me up." Pearl tells him.

"Honestly Bobby, you're the main reason I ever even stayed around this dump." Patrick confesses.

"Bobby." Sandy catches his attention. "I've loved you ever since I started working here."

Bobby looks around him, at the wonderful people he's been blessed with, and realizes his wealth. It's not in money or ranking, but the people who have made all of those things seem like dust in the wind. "I'm going back in." He announces.

"What? NO!" The three others argue.

"I started this and I'm gonna end it." He says. "For you guys. All for one and one for all."


	8. hero is my middle name

**_BOBBY_ ** _storms back into the shop, full of anger. This is angrier than we've ever seen him, he's really out for revenge this time. He lands in front of Plankton's tank, fists balled._

"You manipulated me into doing evil things." He says darkly. "You made me kill two people. I have a problem killing people. Certain animals, however, I might be willing."

"Is that so?" Plankton crosses two of his tentacles like arms in a disapproving manor. "You wanna give me your best, kid?"

"I'll give you more than that." Bobby says. "I'll get you back for Edward, for Mr. Krabs, for hurting Sandy and scaring Patrick and Pearl and for destroying me."

"I gave you everything." Plankton says matter-of-factly.

"I had everything." Bobby shakes his head. "You almost made me lose it." He smashes the glass case on the wall and grabs the axe from inside, beginning to chop away rapidly at the creature. He gets a few solid plows in, but nothing substantial enough to get a leg up. The monster is whipping wildly at him with all it's might, laughing maniacally about world domination.

"Just give up kid." The thing sings. One tentacle swaps the axe out of his hand, throwing it across the room. Bobby growls and storms right up to the tank, landing blows on Plankton's head with his fists. Plankton winces every so often, but it's not enough to really hurt him.

"Enough of this bullshit." Plankton yells. He grabs Bobby and lifts him into the air, then drops him back to the floor. He lands with a hard crash and is momentarily incapacitated. Plankton grabs him again, drawing him close, his mouth open wide. Bobby is unable to fight back.  _This is it,_ he thinks,  _and I was so close. I'm so sorry._ He closes his eyes, thinks one last time of Sandy, Patrick and Pearl, tanks God for the time he got to spend with them, and waits for the end.

He drops the the floor again. Plankton howls in pain and a sound loud enough to be an explosion erupts through the room. Bobby scurries to safety behind the counter and watches as a woman in a silver coat with a green belt fires some kind of gun at the monster- but it's not a gun, really, it's shooting blue lasers that cauterize Plankton's flesh. Bobby sees the axe a few feet away and takes it up, standing to fight alongside his mystery savior. He chops at Plankton's limbs until they're gone, and she shoots at him with the laser device until the green blob squaks out one last long pained howl. 

"Fuck this. I'm taking this mother fucker out." The woman says into a radio clipped to her coat lapel, flips something on the gun and all of a sudden one long steam of blue comes shooting out, electrifying Plankton. The fish swells until it seems like he'll burst, and suddenly he explodes in a flash of bright light. Bobby shields his eyes, and when he opens them again, the notices the tank is in shatters, but there's no sign of Plankton anywhere.

"Robert Kenny?" The woman addresses him by name, taking off her viser sunglasses to reveal a pair of too-green eyes, too bright to be of this world.

"That's me." Bobby confirms.

The woman drops the gun to her side and sticks her hand out to be shaken. "Agent Karen Port, CIA. Sir, are you aware that you have been harboring an alien creature?"

Bobby shakes his head in disbelief. "Plankton was an alien?"

"Yes, sir. He was dropped into the ocean by his mother ship a few days ago."

"God." Bobby chuckles darkly. "That does explain a lot."

Karen puts her viser back on. "Listen, a few more suits are coming down from DC to investigate. I'm gonna need this place completely clear for the next few days."

"It's all yours." Bobby raises his hands in mock-surrender. "Burn the place down if you wanna."

"We'll certainly consider it." Karen appraises the room, then goes over to the windows and shuts the blinds. "I'm afraid that Krabs's Fish Emporium is officially closed for business."

* * *

Bobby comes out the back door, and his friends instantly throw themselves at him, thankful and relieved that he's just a little beat up, nothing that time won't fix.

"I don't think Life Magazine will be coming tomorrow." He shrugs. "Sorry, guys."

"Then how are we gonna afford to get out of here?" Pearl asks nervously.

"I have a bunch of money saved up." Sandy admits. "We'll use that."

"But Sandy," Bobby interjects, "you were gonna use that to go to school."

"I can work for another year back in Texas." She says. "Just as long as we get out of here, I don't mind."

Sandy leaves and pulls her car around back to be packed up. Karen allows them access to the basement so that they can collect their things, and they pull their pre-packed suitcases, plus some other things- the pillows and blankets off of the boy's beds, a few of Patrick's posters, Sandy's dress that she left on Bobby's floor. All of that plus four people in the little car makes for a tight fit, but not so tight that it's uncomfortable. Sandy gets in the driver's seat, Bobby in the passenger's and Pearl and Patrick in the back. Without a moment's worth of hesitation, Sandy steps on the gas, and they all collectively smile as they speed past the sign.

_YOU ARE NOW LEAVING BIKINI BOTTOM - COME BACK SOON!_

"Not on my life." Patrick chuckles, and they all laugh.

* * *

Bobby wakes up to Sandy shaking him. It's very warm and humid, and the sun is shining awfully bright, and he can hear birds chirping through his open window. He sits up and sees Patrick and Pearl outside the car, stretching.

"Welcome to Texas, baby." Sandy smiles at him. The leave the car and are faced with a giant white house, colonially built, with three or four old trucks parked out front. The wooden door flies open and an older woman emerges, running down the creaky steps of the rickety old porch. "Sandy!" She cries.

"Momma!" Sandy yells back, and the two meet with an embrace so full of emotion even Patrick wipes away a tear. When Sandy and her mother are done hugging, her mother turns to the other three. "And what adorable friends you've brought home!" She exclaims, extending her arms around all three of them in a maternal hug. "Well come, come on inside! There's plenty to eat. Plenty!"

* * *

 **_INT. SANDY'S BEDROOM, EVENING._ ** _After explaining what they can to Sandy's family - they were put in a dangerous situation and had to get away - they are welcome with open arms. Sandy's father spends a good half hour interrogating Bobby after learning they intend to be married, but eventually comes around to him, calling him 'son' often. Sandy's mother is absolutely infatuated with her daughter's friends, especially Patrick, who eats as fast as she can cook and claims he gives the best hugs 'south of the Kansas-Oklahoma line'. Sandy's father is shocked that she plans to use her hard-earned money to help her friends, and rewards her act of bravery by offering to pay for engineering school himself. After they've had their fill of home-raised steaks and pecan pie, they're ushered off to bed._

"We're right down the hall if you need us." Sandy's father calls out as the kids go to their rooms.

"Boy, what a day." Bobby sighs, falling against the door.

"Uh-huh." Sandy agrees, beginning to take off her makeup.

"But it all came out okay." Bobby says.

"It sure did." Sandy smiles. They both fall back into the bed, arms around one another, sure that the other was there, wouldn't slip away or dissapear like a dream. Outside, the cicadas creak and frogs croak, and Bobby hums a little melody of his own invention into his love's hair, finally happy enough to sing again. He knows he will probably deal with the mental fallout from this for the rest of his life- hell, they all will- and he knows he can never keep his family completely safe unless he puts them all in a sealed room and stands outside the door, but he plans to do all he can to never let anything this bad happen to them again. He swears it, on his life- he'll be a good best friend, a good brother, a good husband and eventually father. He'll try, and that's all anyone can really ask of him, right?

"What're you thinking about?" Sandy asks quietly.

Bobby shifts his head so he can see her face. "Just you." He smiles. She leans to peck him on the lips. Its as quick and simple as can be, but it says so much.

"Let's get some sleep." Bobby whispers. Sandy nods and closes her eyes. When he's sure she's really asleep, he lets the tears of relief slide down his face, his body shaking as he cries. He holds his Sandy as tight as possible without waking her, kissing the top of her head, and he thinks of Pearl and Patrick, grateful for his little family- their future was fixed, it had been from the start. The four of them are a family in a way that cant be defeated by any outside forces, and as Bobby drifts off the sleep, still trying to believe he's clawed his way out of the nightmare he'd been living and is now laying in the bright sun of the day, he remembers that they will be there with him no matter what, like a soft cheek against his own, keeping him safe in the dark.

 

 


	9. best day ever

_**ONE YEAR LATER. INT. A SMALL ROOM, DAY.** _ _Bobby and Patrick, dressed in their Sunday best, stand in front of a mirror, Patrick adjusting Bobby's red tie. They both have a giddy excitement on their faces, and Bobby looks like he'll pass out any minute._

"You ready for this, buddy?" Patrick asks, smoothing the lapels of Bobby's brown suit.

"I'm ready." Bobby says happily. "I've been ready for years."

_There's a knock at the door, and Pearl pokes her head in, dressed in a pretty red dress. Her hair is styled nicely, and she's holding a bouquet of red-and-white flowers._

"It's time." The teenager says excitedly.

"Thanks sweetie." Bobby leans over and pecks her cheek quickly. "Alright." He turns to Patrick. "Let's get this thing done." The two complete their secret handshake and head out of the room confidently and into the chapel. Bobby tn at the altar, Patrick, the best man, behind him, Pearl, the maid of honor, adjacent to them. The cello Bobby had insisted on strikes up a romantic melody, and everyone in the pews stand to see Sandy, the bride, being walked down the aisle by her father. She's beaming, absolutely glowing, and Bobby is crying already. Patrick chuckled a bit and hands Bobby his hanky to wipe away the tears. Bobby shakes his father-in-laws hand and then takes his wifes, unable to see anything but the fact that he gets to marry her, at long last.

The officiant goes on for some time about love, then the two say their vows (through the joyful weeping, of course), and suddenly they're pronounced man and wife and he's told he can kiss his bride. He takes her face gently in his hand, trying to make it a tender moment, but Sandy's too excited and pulls him in hard by his coat. Everyone cheers and they head outside for barbecue, dancing, and speeches.

After the festivities are over, once every baby-back rib had been devoured and everyone has danced with everyone and they've taken enough pictures to last a lifetime, the bride, groom, best man and maid of honor pile into the car and head for home. Their ranch house, hidden by dense, green wood, has been decorated with streamers, balloons, and a big sign that reads 'congratulations!'.

"Did you guys do this?" Sandy asks when they exit the car, running toward the house.

"That's what family is for." Patrick says, and they all run inside. There's a big cake on the table that the four dig into, not even bothering with plates or knives. They recount the wedding, the emotional parts, the funny parts, all the fun they had at the reception. It's a perfect end to a perfect day, and when Sandy and Bobby head off to bed with a warning from Patrick to 'be safe, just because you're married now doesn't mean I'm ready to be an uncle', it's hard not to look back at where they were a year ago. On Monday, Sandy will go back to class, feeling one part awkward and two parts excited at being the only married woman in her class, and Bobby will go back to work, showing off his shiny gold wedding band to his waiters. 

"I'm so happy." Sandy sighs, sitting on the bed. "I'm so, so happy."

"I'm so happy, too." Bobby replies, removing his suit jacket. Sandy laughs a little when she notices his suspenders. "You like?" He teases, hooking his thumbs into the elastic, pulling out, and letting them snap back. He's grown so much with Sandy, he's not nervous anymore, about anything, can say anything without worry. This is only confirmed when Sandy laughs more. She grabs the suspenders and pulls him close. He leans down, arms on either side of her holding him up on the bed, and thrills when she kisses him. It's a little sprinkle of magic that never goes away.

"Make me your wife." She mutters, and he wastes no time fulfilling her request.

* * *

_On Monday morning, Patrick is in the kitchen, packing lunches, brewing coffee, and making breakfast. Pearl sits at the kitchen table, wholly invested in some book she's been reading for English class. Bobby and Sandy enter, Sandy in her favorite jumpsuit, and Bobby dressed in pants and a sport coat, ready to go manage the local restaurant. Sandy gives hugs and kisses to everyone, thanks Patrick for her food, then rushes out the door, shouting something about balancing chemical equations. Bobby pours his coffee and grabs his bag lunch._

"If you wan't, I'll give you a ride to school." He offers Pearl. "I'm running a little early today."

"Oh, that would be great." Pearl smiles, glad to not have to take the bus. She stuffs the rest of her toast in her mouth and slings her backpack over her shoulder, grabbing her lunch and hugging Patrick goodbye.

"Good luck on your bio test!" Patrick calls out the door. Bobby is sure she'll do fine on her test; he's been helping her study for weeks.

After he drops her off and starts heading to work, a feeling of pure calm hits him, and it occurs to him that for the first time in his life, he doesn't have to worry about a thing. The house and cars are paid off, he has his dream job, his dream girl, an amazing best friend and darling little sister. In a few months, Pearl will graduate high school. She's already been accepted to the University of Texas for fashion design, and he's beyond proud of her. Patrick met a guy in town and they've been seeing each other for a few weeks. Bobby's yet to meet this new guy, but Patrick assures him he'll love him, that he's really great and makes Patrick feel really special and he's really enjoying himself. Sandy comes home every night tired, covered in ink marks and sweat, but she's always happy, always has a funny story to tell about class that day. And as for himself? Bobby cant imagine his life any other way. It's a comfortable routine, and he knows that he'll start on dinner when he gets home that night while Patrick helps Pearl with her homework, and then Sandy will come home and give him the kiss he needs to power through the rest of the day. They'll sit down at the table, discuss their days, find solutions to one another's problems, and laugh loudly and often as possible, because they're all so funny and every night is just  _one of those nights,_ one of those nights where even the slightest thing is hysterical because he's with his favourite people in the world and he's hopelessly happy.

He heads into work, is greeted cordially by hes staff, and enters his office. From his bag, he pulls a picture frame containing a photo of him and Sandy saying their vows, side-by-side with another of their first dance. He places it on his desk, next to the one of him, Sandy, Patrick and Pearl the day they bought the house, massive grins plastered on every face, kept safe in a frame that reads  _my greatest treasure._

**_THE END._ **

 


End file.
